Move over Britney and Miley: it’s Lingerie Football time

Sex sells.

It’s a fact of life.

It’s why Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus get more hits on the Internet than a batting-practice baseball … because it certainly isn’t about the music.

Love it or hate it, agree or disagree, sex sells and that’s a reality.

And it helps explain the sudden rise of popularity in regard to the Seattle Mist and the inaugural Lingerie Football League, which will open at ShoWare Center in Kent on Sept. 11.

I gotta say, whoever cooked up the idea for this league is an advertising wizard.

And the date in which it’s going to open – Sept. 11. Pure gold.

Note to self for Sept. 11 … make sure to take a moment of silence at ShoWare Center to pay respects to those who passed during the World Trade Center attack before sitting back with my two young boys and watching the Mist open the season against the San Diego Seduction.

I really don’t understand what the big problem is. This is family entertainment at its finest. Honestly, I think what’s probably the most pressing question on everyone’s minds is will the Mist have cheerleaders? And, if so, will they be the ones wearing the “real” football uniforms?

Stephon McMillen, the media director for the league was rather clear in last Saturday’s edition of the Kent Reporter. All these women will have “athletic backgrounds … and are beautiful.”

And here I was worried the players were chosen entirely on good looks. I stand corrected.

Of course, “they have to be both to be a part of the team,” McMillen continued.

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why it took so long for a league like this to materialize. And, quite frankly, why haven’t more leagues and coaches taken this “athletic background” and “beautiful” stance to begin with?

It’s genius.

I can just see Hall of Fame NFL coach Don Shula explaining to bruising running back Larry Csonka that he just wasn’t “beautiful” enough to hack it in the NFL.

I suspect the conversation would go something like this:

Don: “Larry, you have plenty of speed, determination, grit and you’re the best running back we have …”

Larry: “Thanks, coach. I do my (Csonka is then cut off) …”

Don: “… but, well, your face is a bit disfigured on account of all those broken noses and, well, we’re going to have to let you go.”

Larry: “Did I miss something? I just carried half your defense 12 yards on my back for a touchdown.”

Don: “I know, I know … but I’ve seen you in the locker room and, well, I can’t imagine you’d look nearly as good carrying my defense while wearing lingerie. Sorry. You’re gone.”

Though, I must say, McMillen had a point when he noted that the women in this league “are more covered up than women’s beach volleyball.”

True enough. Though, I must admit I’ve always wondered why beach volleyball players didn’t wear pads and a helmet.

What exactly are those beach volleyball players thinking? Let’s get them covered. Beach volleyball is considerably easier to play in a helmet and pads. It makes complete sense.

The bottom line, however, is money. The Lingerie Football League is expected to bring revenue to Kent. And, if money is streaming into Kent via some scantily clad women playing football during the current economic recession, does anyone really care about the validity of the league? Any revenue is good revenue, right? On that note, I think now would be a wise time to add a strip club or two downtown.

Seriously, though, there have been worse ideas than the Lingerie Football League.

The United States Football League (USFL).

The XFL.

New Coke.

Joanie Loves Chachi.

The mullet.

The list goes on and on.

The truth of the matter is, the new Lingerie Football League is a gimmick. One that’s destined to fail. If I had to guess, I’d say that next year at this time, we won’t be talking about the league at all because it no longer will be around. Matter of fact, I’d bet my leopard-print, thong underwear on it.